Your Odds of Dating The Right Person The First Time Is 0 to 1
The truth will blow your mind.
It may seem as if the one you’re in a relationship with is the right one for you. Or, you may assume the one you’ve dated a few years ago was the one.
While some people do get lucky in their first, second or the third relationship, many suffer in the name of love. Because relationships are much like gambling, where you’ve to play without shuffling the cards.
Relying your expectations and feelings on someone else, you hope to be understood. You hope to be taken care of. And you wish to get back some love.
However, is the one you’re dating right now the right one for you? Or, the one you’ve dated a year ago? What if the guy you rejected in high school because of his love for a barbie doll was the one?
I’ll tell you what. Your perfect soulmate is almost impossible to find. You may dream of a big muscular guy chopping wood or a millionaire in a suit sipping a cigar. None of that is ever going to happen.
Because people have this misconception in life. And it’s getting worse:
Having a partner won’t banish your anxiety and loneliness. His presence in your life won’t make you complete.
Believing so is the ticket to an extreme rollercoaster of emotions and bumpy ride.
The thing is, your odds of dating the right person the first time is almost 0 to 1, unless you’re really smart and savvy who’s not swayed by waves of emotions and rely on long term decisions and thinking and doesn’t want to be a part of that bumpy ride.
Otherwise, every romantic relationship turns out to be a catastrophic disaster. Except the sex and some romantic lines, nothing feels right. With time, it gets blurry before your eyes.
And you may be unaware of it, but there’s a reason behind you not being able to date the right one. The reason may surprise you a little bit.
It Starts With The Halo Effect:
So what this Halo Effect says is, if you come across a physically attractive person, you automatically assume them to be kind and trustworthy.
Even if you haven’t seen them being kind or generous, you assume so. As they’re attractive and gorgeous, you like them. You get attracted.
And if they consist of a few features you admire in the opposite sex like humour or intelligence or work ethic or some commonalities in values or habits, it attracts you even more. However, this doesn’t end here.
And it’s the second line where the actual game starts to play. Because no matter what you may say or what they’ve portrayed on TV, a romantic relationship is more than having sex, holding hands, cuddling and lots of love.
It’s trust. Care. Having values and principles in life. Allignment of certain life goals. Acceptance of flaws. Praise.
So, with The Halo Effect, you get attracted to the person and may initiate a romantic relationship like the two love birds. But, with time, you find each other adjusting in the relationship.
It becomes harder for you to be your true self. Same with him. The two identical personalities and values clash many times in a row and you both fight.
Because no matter how much love is there between you two, if you love late night parties at your place and your partner prefers bingeing Netflix alone, it’s obvious for you two to engage in a fight.
If you love binge shopping or spending money on your fancy lifestyle and your partner prefers saving money, it’ll end badly for you two.
That’s why, after a few months or years of initiating a relationship, most couples go through an emotional rollercoaster and a breakup. Because who wants to adjust, right?
Now, the question is:
Is there some secret recipe to find the love of your life? Anything? A pill? A magnifying glass? Or, a magic mantra — Abra ka dabra…get me a hot girl with similar values in life as mine….Yo! Yo!
The hard truth in life is: There’s nothing like that. You can do either of these two things after the halo effect.
1 . If you don’t like casual dating and don’t want to be a part of emotional rollercoaster ride, don’t initiate a romantic relationship unless you have some data around their life and how they live.
2. Gamble and play, fall back and stand up, until you come across the right one. There’s a risk to it. Although some do it, unknowingly
That’s all. There’s nothing you can do about it. Be sure that the person you find physically attractive is not love, it’s attraction. It’s a charm. And it may not be an indication to initiate a romantic relationship.
Before initiating a romantic relationship with someone, it’s essential for you to be clear about each others’ values and principles in life. To know each other in a better way. To know what he likes and dislikes. To know his life goals. To trust him. To have comfort in his flaws. And to know he’s feeling the same about you. Or else, it becomes a gambling, of which you don’t know the cheatcodes of, and you go though an emotional rollercoaster ride.
