How To Get Over a Breakup Permanently Without Crushing Your Soul?
Avoiding #6 keeps you in a loop.
If you’re dealing with a breakup or past rejections and moving on feels like a pain in the ass, here’s something fishy for you.
In this article, you’ll learn about those 10 practical strategies that’ll help you to move on from your ex.
Only read further, if moving on is what you need for yourself to relieve. Or else, you’ll waste your time here only to repeat the same old shit. So, let’s begin.
Step 1: Accept that it’s over and it’s all gone.
Accepting reality is the first step when moving on from your ex. Most people don’t. And if you think of your relationship as possessions, acceptance gets even worse.
Because you’ve attached your ego with it the same way you attach your ego with other usual things.
My clothes. My shoes. My car. My bike.
The problem with this mindset is, you hate your things being possessed or someone trying to possess it.
So, accepting that she won’t be in your life anymore is disheartening. She may start a relationship with someone more good looking or successful than you.
Times change. People grow. And we see differences in our life. That’s how the world works.
And maybe, her not being a part of your life could be a beginning of something new. Something awesome. Something waiting on the other side for you.
Accept that she’s gone. And she doesn’t have any feelings for you. It was just a moment, a pleasure. Something you both wanted to have.
Whether she cheated on you or asked for a breakup for no valid reason, accept that she’s gone. And she’s gone for good. You’ve a whole life waiting for you. Go. Crush it out there. Be a warrior.
Step 2: Block him/her in all possible ways.
It’s entirely impossible for you to move on, if you’re still in touch with your ex in some ways.
Whether it be via texting, meeting her in person, following her on social media, checking her photos or scrolling a glimpse of those memories that you’ve saved in your gallery, it makes things even worse.
Get the fuck out. Clear everything. Don’t keep a single photo or video or anything that reminds you of the person. Keep yourself away from it all.
It smashes the rewind button inside your brain, sliding you into the moments of those past memories. The same shitty place you’ve been before.
Block that person’s phone number.
Block her on Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, WhatsApp and every social media platform where you two were connected.
You’ve accepted that she’s gone and she’s not in your life anymore, so stocking her profile or trying to stay connected in some ways is like trying to be on a diet while eating junk foods.
It won’t do you any good. So, block. Go do that first.
By blocking the person you’re not just blocking her presence in your life but you’re also allowing yourself to heal.
So, you won’t text her or call her randomly when you’re high on booze (although the chances of unblocking the person and cursing is higher in this situation).
Let’s be real here, she got a life. She doesn’t care about you anymore. Now there are situations where blocking that person may be difficult for you.
In situations like your ex being your college mate or coworker or your neighbour.
So, having the mental strength to ignore her without caring about her anymore just like she did to you is essential for moving on. I know, your heart melts and you burst into tears by her presence and knowing she’s in a relationship with someone else.
But, you must accept the truth.
If you’re in a workplace or share the same neighbourhood or college, avoid the cafeteria or cafes where she usually hangs out. Avoid groups where she’s in.
Be with yourself or someone you can trust, let them know what you’re going through and allow yourself to heal.
Because most people never move. They never allow themselves to heal. Either they start a new relationship or try harder to distract themselves from the feeling, which makes things complicated in the long run.
Step 3: Don’t hurt yourself. No revenge.
If you’re doing so, you’re only allowing yourself to become the person you never wanted yourself to be.
She hurt you. She put you in pain. But don’t let this pain define you and your destiny. You’re not what this pain made you to be. You’re such a beautiful and wonderful human being capable of doing extraordinary things.
However, if you’re on a path of taking revenge or hurting yourself, here are the three things consecuences of it.
First: You’re wasting so much of your time and mental energy thinking about that person and doing research and finding ways to take revenge. So much of that time and energy could be spent in self love and introspection or allowing yourself to heal. Exploring your interest. Discovering your hobbies. Getting a raise. Or preparing for your exams. By involving yourself in those awful activities, you’re not allowing yourself to do all these beautiful things.
Second: You’re setting yourself on a path of self-hatred and self-destruction. I’ll crush her. I’ll destroy her life. How could she do this to me? And you curse her with every possible motherfucking word that you’ve ever learned. Years later, only to realize that it never amounted to anything. No one ever gives you any award nor you received any cash or became a celebrity. You just hurt yourself. And if you end up doing something awful which a lot of assholes do, you hurt her and others as well. Now, you’ll be living with this grief. Don’t let that happen to you. Stop.
Third: You’re only allowing yourself to repeat the same mistake again. You hurt yourself. You go through a process of distraction, not healing. Then, you repeat the same mistake again without learning anything. What does that even make you? Is that all that you’ve ever wanted? I hope not. So please, for god’s sake, let it go. Forgive her. Just forgive. When you forgive the person, you allow yourself to calm and relax a little bit. You allow yourself to rely upon you. There’s no pressure. No distraction. Nothing. It’s just you with the pieces of your broken heart on your way to fix it.
Step 4: Cry your heart out and cry until the feelings of hurt are gone and you feel a heavy weight from your heart weighing off.
Crying is the best medicine of all. It doesn’t heal every hurt or every pain, but it makes you feel relieved.
So be alone for a while. Cut off all possible ways that others can use to disturb you.
Allow yourself to feel this pain. Allow yourself to live it. Allow yourself to be in this moment for a while. Feel it. And let it all burst out.
You wanna cry for the whole day? Cry. You wanna cry the whole night? Okay, fine. Everytime you get a glimpse of it in an instant, and it gets heavier around your neck, cry your heart out.
Just cry and cry so hard that when you’re done with it, you feel relaxed, as if there was some sort of burden that you got rid off. So, cry. Cry out loud. Just cry. Don’t stop. Let the pain go. Allow yourself to heal. Because you deserve mental peace.
Step 5: Think that it happened for the better and it happened for the good.
What if I tell you, whatever happened to you, it happened for the good? It happened for the better. And it happened because it was just what it was meant to be?
Actually, it’s not that easy to accept it. Why?
She was such a beautiful and wonderful woman that you’ve ever been with. She understood you well, way better than anyone ever could. She was just so special and closest to your heart.
What bullshit! You’re running all these false narratives inside your head.
Maybe, it was spending time with her, texting, talking on the phone, going out on a date or the feelings of sex that reminds you of her so much.
That’s the high. The emotion. The closeness missing in your life. And you’re feeling sad because now it’s all gone.
Accept it happened for the good. And it happened for the better.
Imagine, what if you both had stayed in a relationship for a few more years and suddenly, she’s gone? Worse, isn’t it?
Well, that’s what most guys and even girls go through in a relationship. So if she left you, just let it be. It happened for the good.
You just got rid of one person from your life. There are 7 fucking billions people in the world. You’ll meet someone new. Someone better. But first, allow yourself to heal.
Step 6: No heartbreak songs, please.
It feels heavy inside your heart. There’s no one to share your feelings with, and you feel disconnected with your family and friends.
So, you go on a ride of those heartbreak musical journeys. You listen to those songs written specifically by the person, to that specific person when they were going through a phase as that of you. Seems like it, right?
Those songs don’t give you any relief. Instead, they make your pain even worse.
You relate with every scene and every lyric and every pain of the protagonist involved. You cry and feel depressed. And you stay in a non-ending loop, starting the same thing again.
This habit only makes your pain worse. So, stop listening to those heartbreak songs.
It’s like putting kerosene on a fire. It keeps burning and it burns even more. Detach yourself from all these.
Remember, you want to move on. And this habit of listening to heartbreak songs is not a better way to forget your ex permanently.
Get up. Go out there. Read. Medidate. Work. Just do something. Occupy your brain with something else. But don’t listen to that damn song.
Step 7: Hit the gym or do some home workouts. Eat healthy and sleep.
Suffering. Heartbreak. Pain. Feeling alone. Waiting for a phone call or a random text. Detaching yourself from friends. Eating unhealthy foods. Or worse, not eating at all. Late night sleep. Or disastrous, not sleeping at all. Staying awake. Laying on your bed. Thinking about her. Crying.
These are the phases of a typical guy who had a break up.
What are you doing, my friend? These actions imply you don’t love yourself and you only care about the presence of that one person more in your life than you do about yours.
It also amplifies:
You lack self love. You lack self-respect. You lost it all. For what? For one girl? For one person? Wake up! And see what the world consists of.
You are more than enough. You don’t need anyone to make you complete. Not even that person who put you in this disastrous situation of mental imbalance and pain.
Just know that you’re awesome.
Lack of sleep means that you’re not giving your body and mind the proper rest it needs. And lack of healthy foods or not eating at all means you’re not feeding your body the proper nutrients it needs.
This way, you feel weaker and more depressed. Because food and sleep are essential for you. Especially, in a situation where you’re going through mental pain.
Make a schedule. Sleep well. Wake up early in the morning. And exercise. Take care of yourself. Take care of your mind and body.
One decision of that one person neither defines your destiny nor your identity.
Be self-reliant. Be self-fulfilled. Be self-sufficient. And be the type of person you’re meant to be. Go out. And crush it.
Step 8: Fall in love with yourself, and rely on your loved ones.
All these years, you loved her. You made her your first priority. You made her the centre of your attention. You texted her even when you were busy.
You took her out on a date even when you were fucking broke. You calmed her when she was stressed. You gave her your arms when she cried. You did every possible thing a protagonist does in the movies.
Yet, look at you now. You don’t have a happy ending, do you?
All these years, you ignored yourself.
You made yourself unproductive. You made yourself available for her, when it was YOU who needed you the most.
Now is the time to change it all. Go on. Fall in love with yourself. Make yourself your top priority.
Travel. Go out. Explore your hobbies. Try your interests. Read. Get good grades if you’re in college. Get a raise if you’re in a job. Or work on your goals and build a career that you’ve always wanted to have.
Now is the time to crush it. From now on, you’ve 24 hours in a day, all for you (plus and minus your daily chores).
Either use these hours to cry for someone who never really cared about you, or make yourself unrecognizable and a productive beast.
Step 9: Make goals. Set a target. And hit.
You’ll fall into the same old patterns if you don’t have anything to work on. It’s because you’re hurt and you’re in severe pain.
Moving on is a process, not an event. And thinking that you’ll forget someone in an instant is just so catastrophic. You won’t.
Think of it this way. You had memories with that person. There were things and promises that you’ve shared. So being able to forget it all at once is just not possible for a normal human being. At least, as of now, it’s not something a human brain is capable of.
Even if you’ve decided to forget her permanently, there will be places and times where you’ll remember her suddenly. And may burst into tears. And that’s fine for a moment. But don’t let it ruin your whole day.
One way to do that is, have something to work on. Allow yourself to heal. Feel the hurt. It’s a part of moving on. But, be engaged. And work. Just work on your goals.
So, what does having goals mean?
Look at yourself. Not in the mirror….
Introspect.
What are the areas of your life where you’re behind?
Are you struggling with public speaking or just lack the basic communication skill? Go. Work on that. That’s the goal.
Are you struggling financially and the job you have is just awful and bad? Yo! Right there. That’s the goal. Go work on that.
Do you trust people blindly? See? Work on that.
That’s the goal. Similarly, there are many areas of your life which need a severe repair. Now is the time to work on yourself. Now is the time to improve yourself. Now is the time to turn yourself into someone you’ll be proud of.
Start the journey. Find at least 4 areas of your life that need severe repair. Fix that. Then, repeat the process and turn yourself into a beast.
And, finally….
Step 10: Save yourself. You’re a warrior.
Has anyone ever told you? You’re a warrior, capable of doing so many things.
Just look around you. Things that you see. The tiny little device you’re holding in your hand, all these were made by people like you.
You can make your life better, better than you’ve ever imagined. So, work on your goals.
Work on yourself. I know you’ve been cheated and lied. I know you loved her so much. I know you’re feeling insecure. And I know you wanted her to feel some love for you. Keep this in mind.
All this pain. All this suffering. All this trauma will go one day. Have faith in yourself. If you hurt yourself. You’re just reflecting what that person did to you. Don’t do that. You don’t have to change her. You don’t have to give her any clarifications. Let her be who she is. Let her do what she keeps doing. Let her be whoever she wants to be with. Let her do all that.
You, my friend, heal from your pain and hurt and anger to make yourself a warrior. To turn yourself into a beast.
Not because you want to make her feel jealous of you. But instead, that’s what you’re capable of and that’s what she was holding all this long when she was with you.
Now go. Work on your goals. And crush it. You’re a warrior. You’ll win.
